It is just so amazing over a simple lunch with Janet(btw friend) 6/5 Tue. Know her less than 2 mths during the retreat. I had no intention to ask her out for lunch due to my busy schedule this week and we weren't that familiar with each other either. She actually come from another church.
Somehow, 4 days ago on last Wed and Thur, Janet kept appearing in my mind. I was wondering what's that, why I kept thinking about her. The Lord seems to tell me, " Go share your life with her." I felt a little funny, why me? And I put the thought away but it came back again n again and I couldn't resist any longer but to ask her out for lunch. I knew that she is a very busy person too helping a cancer friend to walk her journey and she has a family waiting on her too. But after sending out the sms, I have a peace in my heart over Janet which I couldn't explain then.
Soon after, I realised that Racheal has a Math paper 2 the next day, I was disturbed because Racheal did badly during CA1 and I need to watch over her this time. I also forgot that I had promised Dad that I would take him out to get something done for him. I decided to postphone that appointment to this coming Thursday.
When Janet didn't reply, I was so happy and I said, " Leave it to God la. " I was surprised she replied in the night and I had to keep to the appointment because I sensed that it must be God's appointment and I dared not change it.
I just wait and see. By Sunday I sort of forgotten the appointment on Tuesday when I met Vina in church. I asked her to let Sheryl come over to my place and practice Math together with Racheal on Tuesday after their paper at 9.30am
When I reached home, I realised, " Oh! no, Janet's lunch appointment." I almost wanted to send a msg out on Monday afternoon and Sheryl told me she had two paper but Racheal had one.
And on the Tuesday morning, I just step into the house after sending Racheal to school, my mother-in-law asked me to send her to Hougang to get something done for her. She was rather insistant. She has never requested like this before. It was the first time and even when she is sick, she won't even ask me. I would have to persuade her so much to let me take her to the doctor since her son wasn't available. It was so difficult for me to reject her. I was so shocked I didn't know how to put into words to offer another day.
Suddenly, she sensed something and she said," Is ok, let's do it another day" and I offered her Thursday. Later, I found out that she wanted to send a few bags of clothes to my sister-in-law's maid. By that time, I knew God had a make this appointment for me.
So I solved the problem, I carried on as plan -took Racheal home first and Sheryl would come around 1.30pm by then I should be done. And I kept the appointment.
The Lord had impressed upon me to share about myself. And I did. Amazingly, we had a good chat. It was very encouraging. Just the last 5 mins before we left, Janet asked to be pray for. And what I heard from her sharing was that she had a special calling from God to serve.
For the past few days, the Lord had spoken so specifically to her and she just needed some affirmation and courage to move on.
I was just delighted, I knew that these are God's revelation to her. I shared my recent quiet time with her.
The Lord laid upon my heart that He had given me 3 spiritual gifts and I am asking for 2 more.
The first 3 - Faith, discerning spirits and wisdom (1 Cor 12. - there are a list of them)
The last 2 - will reveal when the right time.
Well! Janet, it was a divine appointment. You mentioned that Obeying God is immediate, you actually saw the work of the Holy Spirit for the past few days. Press on.
Janet said that it was not by chance that she met up with me that day. I believed it too, especially the struggle to meet up. I am glad that I obey the Lord.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Stand strong in God
Many times we are easily influence but I our duty is not so much to fight back but to take responsiblity of our lives. Everyone needs to make sure what we are learning is sound or not.
In 1st John, test everyspirit. Many times people do things for selflish reasons, using God as a means to make sure they are right. They may not realise what is happening because Satan make used of our weakness in canal ways to get us.
Definitely a discerning spirit and wisdom from the Lord makes a great different. Having a desire to want God's way than our way, He will ultimately reveals truth to us. And of course, God allows us to make choices even after truth is revealed.
Yesterday, Pastor Edmund message gives a great insight about ourselves. I was so amazed by the five important check points of our hearts.
In 1st John, test everyspirit. Many times people do things for selflish reasons, using God as a means to make sure they are right. They may not realise what is happening because Satan make used of our weakness in canal ways to get us.
Definitely a discerning spirit and wisdom from the Lord makes a great different. Having a desire to want God's way than our way, He will ultimately reveals truth to us. And of course, God allows us to make choices even after truth is revealed.
Yesterday, Pastor Edmund message gives a great insight about ourselves. I was so amazed by the five important check points of our hearts.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
CBSI
Have missed BS for two weeks due to some reasons. So glad to hear from one of my friend in my small that she has experienced the working power of God.
She shared that her friend was discouraged over some matters and after she hanged up the phone she couldn't believe herself giving directions and with wisdom and discernment, help her see stuffs when she dosen't have the capacity to do so.
She realised that the Lord has enable her to encourage her friend in time of needs. Many times I have this experience too because I couldn't foresee what is going to take place but the Lord does. And when I am used by the Lord to encourage or minister to somebody, to my surprise it always happened to be what the person need without my knowledge. Sometimes wasn't even in my plan to share in the particular area but it just flow out from my mouth for the good of the other party. This is just how amazing God is. I clapped for my friend's experience. She says now I understand what is meant to be empowered by God.
We are doing on the book of 2 Cor still. Have great insight of the Lord's presence. I was surprised by a Philipina lecturer today. She is amazing, the way she expound on God's word. This is the first time I see her, although I am there since 2 yrs ago.
She mentioned how we would treat prayer. Is it your stirring wheel or your spare tire? I am glad to say that prayer is definitely my stirring wheel not my spare tire.
She went on that when christians choose not to have christian fellowship, the devil is happy.
When christians do not read the bible, the devil laugh. When christians do not pray, the devil shout with joy.
This is only a little portion of what she shared. I am very much amazed by her understanding and her relationship with God. Her words are full of wisdom and she has a discerning Spirit.
Having a relationship with God can be found in any culture, races or even among the tribal people.
What we need to do is to open our heart to learning instead of being dogmatic, legalistic and skeptical. Ask God for discerning Spirit to know what is truth and what is not.
Many of us have the tendency to limit God's wonderful work in the hearts of men by imagining how God should be and God has become just the size of your hand that you took Him around wherever you want. Only when you needed help, you call out loud to Him. Many time we hold God at a distant. He is just so far away, may not be certain God actually heard us or not. This is just so sad, so sad when He is there for you always.
I thank God that I have a replacement for my spectacles' frame for free which I broke accidentally.
She shared that her friend was discouraged over some matters and after she hanged up the phone she couldn't believe herself giving directions and with wisdom and discernment, help her see stuffs when she dosen't have the capacity to do so.
She realised that the Lord has enable her to encourage her friend in time of needs. Many times I have this experience too because I couldn't foresee what is going to take place but the Lord does. And when I am used by the Lord to encourage or minister to somebody, to my surprise it always happened to be what the person need without my knowledge. Sometimes wasn't even in my plan to share in the particular area but it just flow out from my mouth for the good of the other party. This is just how amazing God is. I clapped for my friend's experience. She says now I understand what is meant to be empowered by God.
We are doing on the book of 2 Cor still. Have great insight of the Lord's presence. I was surprised by a Philipina lecturer today. She is amazing, the way she expound on God's word. This is the first time I see her, although I am there since 2 yrs ago.
She mentioned how we would treat prayer. Is it your stirring wheel or your spare tire? I am glad to say that prayer is definitely my stirring wheel not my spare tire.
She went on that when christians choose not to have christian fellowship, the devil is happy.
When christians do not read the bible, the devil laugh. When christians do not pray, the devil shout with joy.
This is only a little portion of what she shared. I am very much amazed by her understanding and her relationship with God. Her words are full of wisdom and she has a discerning Spirit.
Having a relationship with God can be found in any culture, races or even among the tribal people.
What we need to do is to open our heart to learning instead of being dogmatic, legalistic and skeptical. Ask God for discerning Spirit to know what is truth and what is not.
Many of us have the tendency to limit God's wonderful work in the hearts of men by imagining how God should be and God has become just the size of your hand that you took Him around wherever you want. Only when you needed help, you call out loud to Him. Many time we hold God at a distant. He is just so far away, may not be certain God actually heard us or not. This is just so sad, so sad when He is there for you always.
I thank God that I have a replacement for my spectacles' frame for free which I broke accidentally.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Surprised to know
I have too many surprises that I don't even know which to begin with. Yesterday was the 'Afterglow' for Women's breakthrough weekend on March 14-17/08.
It was the same review like the first one I attended previously. Actually, I thought that the whole thing will be just a repeat because we are surposed to read 'Changes that heal' book before the meeting just like the first one. This time round I didn't read.
I took it that it is my responsiblility to meet up with my group. We were indeed very happy to see one another again after one and half months. First surprise - I didn't know that Janet was so impacted by me that she changed her perspective about herself, I mean the way she looked at herself.
She says, " I am different since the breakthrough weekend because of you." I was shocked because we didn't talk that much. I shared some stuff just before we left the hotel because Pastor Ann message was so real and open that caught me by surprised. The group was laughing at what I told them. It was some facts about myself and I didn't know by sharing it out could change someone's perspective about herself.
Janet was so amazed by me because I have never looked down at myself despite of my low education qualification. This was gripping her all her life and today she is set free through the working of the Holy Spirit. She learned to accept herself as who she is in Christ. And many blessing has taken place in her life right now and because of her, her parents have reconcilated after many years of separate lives.
I thought this trip was just to accompany Kheng Ling but I never never knew that God will be using me to bless another life. I just can't believe it, yeh God is sovereign and almighty. You just know that God presence is everywhere as much as you believe He is wonderful. Truely we are never worthy. Again I says because He is worthy that's why we are worthy.
Second Surprised - Received sms on 22/4/08 My facilitater for Breakthrough weekend. Know her for only one and half mths. That was the day I needed a blessing of discernment from the Lord so much and the Lord gave me according to my heart desire though it isn't a pleasant thing.
I have learned to accept truth instead of escaping from truth because only then healing of our emotion takes place.
She wrote:
On this special day I pray that the Lord of glory will pour His limitless grace n blessing into your life n that you be filled with love, joy, peace n sweet fruitfulness in Christ. May He satisfy the desires of your heart as u delight in Him. Thanking God for u:-) love, Monica
Yesterday, all of us then realised that it was her birthday that day. I was shocked because I simply received this blessing from her without wishing her. Well, she says she just wanted to bless some people whom she knows on that special day.
Somehow I have often felt that this is where I like to be and never regret moving to this church where the Lord's presence is often felt. The love of Jesus is ever in the heart of these people. They simply warm your heart with truth and sincerity. I often told them I have found my species. Actually, many time they don't understand what I am talking about because they will never understand what I have gone through. My christian journey in the past was so different.
Nothing attract me in this church, definitely not the band and the loud music, not the waving of hands and clappings but it is the love of God in their hearts, the consecrated hearts that caused them to lift up their hands to tell Jesus,"Yes I am willing to take the steps of change and give you all the glory."
Third surprised - Today Alissa sent me a sms. I thought it was a mistake, anyway by accident I deleted it. If not I will code.
It was roughly, something like - I love you and the angelic attitude like what Christ has. She has messed sms it to some people.
Well! Angelic attitude sound very saint but who has attained it only Christ alone. And what is an angelic attitude I wonder. How it come about? We can't attain it ourselves. It is by the grace of God in submission to Him completely. Giving Him all our rights in life, following Him at every turn. This need careful listening to the shepherd's voice. Many times we are too distracted, can't hear Him at all. Otherwise, anyone can too, if there is such thing as angelic attitude.
I dare not acknowledge this honour because we are clothed in the righteousness of God which is not our own. Would like to thank her for seeing things this way. What she sees is the working of the Holy Spirit of God in me but not me. I will take this as an affirmation from the Lord.
This is just how amazing God is because He is almighty. He will walk us from one victory to another if we only trust in Him.
Fourth Surprised - Saturday, Susan Hui, one of the Web praying parent. She told us to be at ease the way we want to sing or worship. Just be natural and be yourself, don't feel constrain about how it should be. So I told her my experience with my missionary friend Puspa. I know her less than half a year. On 15 Apirl, I offered to send her to the airport because her friends were at work. She left for Cambodia and will be serving there for 4 years.
God is so real in her life. I was at her flat and she simply talking to Jesus as if He is there. Of course, I know all this while God's presence is everywhere. I was pretty amazed the way she prayed was talking to God as a person in the house.
Over that little conversation, Susan jumped. She told me that Puspa is her long lost praying partner and she wants to meet her up again. Since she left for India many years ago, she has lost contact. I just can't believe it, it is really a small world. Yeh, will help them connect again. Isn't this my calling. Isa 58:12 and much more confirmation from the word of God.
Fifth surprised - Was surprised to receive news from that person on Saturday. Glad that this person took whatever that happened positively. And I see God doing a deep work in this person's life. Hope that this person continue to listen to God's directions and cling to Him.
Everyday is so amazing because I really don't know what is taking place for the next moment of my life. And it is not that I don't have trials, I do have challenging moments but I have to keep praying and entrusting them to God all the time. May God also do a deep work in your life so that you know who HE says He is.
Last surprised - I think there is no surprised because I wasn't aware of it myself in the past but yesterday when Pastor Chung Kai preached, I came to realise. The msg was DON'T LOSE HEART.
He said 4 things to remember when you bring up your children. PRAY, MODEL, LOVE and TRAINED. And the rest you leave it to God, especially when they stray.
I realised I have been practising these four things all this while with the younger generation. I do see fruits coming up. And how did I know, I actually don't know but I believe that the Lord had taught me so. He has led me by His Spirit. And He also help filled up my areas of inadequacy.
PRAISE the LORD all ye people. Amen.
It was the same review like the first one I attended previously. Actually, I thought that the whole thing will be just a repeat because we are surposed to read 'Changes that heal' book before the meeting just like the first one. This time round I didn't read.
I took it that it is my responsiblility to meet up with my group. We were indeed very happy to see one another again after one and half months. First surprise - I didn't know that Janet was so impacted by me that she changed her perspective about herself, I mean the way she looked at herself.
She says, " I am different since the breakthrough weekend because of you." I was shocked because we didn't talk that much. I shared some stuff just before we left the hotel because Pastor Ann message was so real and open that caught me by surprised. The group was laughing at what I told them. It was some facts about myself and I didn't know by sharing it out could change someone's perspective about herself.
Janet was so amazed by me because I have never looked down at myself despite of my low education qualification. This was gripping her all her life and today she is set free through the working of the Holy Spirit. She learned to accept herself as who she is in Christ. And many blessing has taken place in her life right now and because of her, her parents have reconcilated after many years of separate lives.
I thought this trip was just to accompany Kheng Ling but I never never knew that God will be using me to bless another life. I just can't believe it, yeh God is sovereign and almighty. You just know that God presence is everywhere as much as you believe He is wonderful. Truely we are never worthy. Again I says because He is worthy that's why we are worthy.
Second Surprised - Received sms on 22/4/08 My facilitater for Breakthrough weekend. Know her for only one and half mths. That was the day I needed a blessing of discernment from the Lord so much and the Lord gave me according to my heart desire though it isn't a pleasant thing.
I have learned to accept truth instead of escaping from truth because only then healing of our emotion takes place.
She wrote:
On this special day I pray that the Lord of glory will pour His limitless grace n blessing into your life n that you be filled with love, joy, peace n sweet fruitfulness in Christ. May He satisfy the desires of your heart as u delight in Him. Thanking God for u:-) love, Monica
Yesterday, all of us then realised that it was her birthday that day. I was shocked because I simply received this blessing from her without wishing her. Well, she says she just wanted to bless some people whom she knows on that special day.
Somehow I have often felt that this is where I like to be and never regret moving to this church where the Lord's presence is often felt. The love of Jesus is ever in the heart of these people. They simply warm your heart with truth and sincerity. I often told them I have found my species. Actually, many time they don't understand what I am talking about because they will never understand what I have gone through. My christian journey in the past was so different.
Nothing attract me in this church, definitely not the band and the loud music, not the waving of hands and clappings but it is the love of God in their hearts, the consecrated hearts that caused them to lift up their hands to tell Jesus,"Yes I am willing to take the steps of change and give you all the glory."
Third surprised - Today Alissa sent me a sms. I thought it was a mistake, anyway by accident I deleted it. If not I will code.
It was roughly, something like - I love you and the angelic attitude like what Christ has. She has messed sms it to some people.
Well! Angelic attitude sound very saint but who has attained it only Christ alone. And what is an angelic attitude I wonder. How it come about? We can't attain it ourselves. It is by the grace of God in submission to Him completely. Giving Him all our rights in life, following Him at every turn. This need careful listening to the shepherd's voice. Many times we are too distracted, can't hear Him at all. Otherwise, anyone can too, if there is such thing as angelic attitude.
I dare not acknowledge this honour because we are clothed in the righteousness of God which is not our own. Would like to thank her for seeing things this way. What she sees is the working of the Holy Spirit of God in me but not me. I will take this as an affirmation from the Lord.
This is just how amazing God is because He is almighty. He will walk us from one victory to another if we only trust in Him.
Fourth Surprised - Saturday, Susan Hui, one of the Web praying parent. She told us to be at ease the way we want to sing or worship. Just be natural and be yourself, don't feel constrain about how it should be. So I told her my experience with my missionary friend Puspa. I know her less than half a year. On 15 Apirl, I offered to send her to the airport because her friends were at work. She left for Cambodia and will be serving there for 4 years.
God is so real in her life. I was at her flat and she simply talking to Jesus as if He is there. Of course, I know all this while God's presence is everywhere. I was pretty amazed the way she prayed was talking to God as a person in the house.
Over that little conversation, Susan jumped. She told me that Puspa is her long lost praying partner and she wants to meet her up again. Since she left for India many years ago, she has lost contact. I just can't believe it, it is really a small world. Yeh, will help them connect again. Isn't this my calling. Isa 58:12 and much more confirmation from the word of God.
Fifth surprised - Was surprised to receive news from that person on Saturday. Glad that this person took whatever that happened positively. And I see God doing a deep work in this person's life. Hope that this person continue to listen to God's directions and cling to Him.
Everyday is so amazing because I really don't know what is taking place for the next moment of my life. And it is not that I don't have trials, I do have challenging moments but I have to keep praying and entrusting them to God all the time. May God also do a deep work in your life so that you know who HE says He is.
Last surprised - I think there is no surprised because I wasn't aware of it myself in the past but yesterday when Pastor Chung Kai preached, I came to realise. The msg was DON'T LOSE HEART.
He said 4 things to remember when you bring up your children. PRAY, MODEL, LOVE and TRAINED. And the rest you leave it to God, especially when they stray.
I realised I have been practising these four things all this while with the younger generation. I do see fruits coming up. And how did I know, I actually don't know but I believe that the Lord had taught me so. He has led me by His Spirit. And He also help filled up my areas of inadequacy.
PRAISE the LORD all ye people. Amen.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Keep blog
By now, I have decided to keep the blog ( My heart is bleeding) I wrote this morning. I find that it is really meaningless putting it up. I will work out my grief and just let it go.
That person is big enough to make life decision anyway. So what if this person know the truth that I found out in the meeting with the couple. I will pray for discerning spirit for this person because our heart is the most deceitful. I thank God for the opportunity to be able to follow this person up so far. Anyway, I always treat our last mtg as the last. I really never truly know when will be another one but finally.
The couple appeared to be so weird about it. I can only sum it up, they do not know Him.
That person is big enough to make life decision anyway. So what if this person know the truth that I found out in the meeting with the couple. I will pray for discerning spirit for this person because our heart is the most deceitful. I thank God for the opportunity to be able to follow this person up so far. Anyway, I always treat our last mtg as the last. I really never truly know when will be another one but finally.
The couple appeared to be so weird about it. I can only sum it up, they do not know Him.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Wrote with a heavy heart
Today, I write this journal with a very painful heart. I am griefing inside me over some truth I came to realise. I used skype for the first time to talk to a friend overseas, for almost 5 hr. It was unimaginable, I never knew I was going to talk that long. Anyway, I actually set up skype because of my missionary friends ask me to do so. One in Canada and one just left for Cambodia.
Through this long conservation, I decided to let out the secret I hide for 4 yrs 8 mths. I believe it is time to let everything out to my friend. Anyway, I didn't intend to keep it the rest of my life, just didn't know when is the right time to let out. I am glad that I have unload myself on 14/4/08 and there isn't any point for me to keep this secret any longer. She was extremely shocked that I managed to get in touch with her ex-husband and had communicated on email. I met him up last year August to confirm a few things and had my closure.
I am waiting for her to come to Singapore this June to speak over stuffs with her but I think it is better to clear things up immediately since I am able to connect to her using skype now because it is not easy keeping stuff like this. We have come to a horrifying revelation that since the day he was a christian til now, he spends all his energy loving himself and he didn't even realise it.
Anything he plans and does is for himself. He gives me the impression that life is all about him during the conservation of 2 hr. During lunch, I actually felt like vomitting out my food at that
instant. He seems to live a Godless live all along. It was completely deceitful, he appearantly living a righteousness life. He appeared to be a person who loves God and His people but inwardly he is driving himself to hell.
He went through 6 years seminary, among the top students and had been a great leader in the eyes of men. Ever since he has fallen, I prayed very hard for him and my friend with tears. The past five years, I have pray alot for many people around me and go through many trying times. God has never failed me and answered all my prayers except this one. I prayed for him to repent and return to God, nothing happen. Nothing has taken place. If you hear him carefully, he actually spoke as if he is an unbeliever.
Sometimes I wonder, can one be so discourage to this extent that he said that our lives is in our own hands. He asked me a question," In the past, don't you struggle to be the top 10 percent to go heaven?" He expected me to be one of them because I was very active in church work when we were in younger days. "Don't tell me you are not one of them?" he remarked. I stared at him until my eyes ball going to come out. So, all this while he is thinking about being the top 10% in heaven. I wondered why he think like this, something is very wrong but I couldn't figure out.
Yesterday, after some sharing from my friend. I feel strongly that he is not born again in Christ. He has not received the salvation of God. Otherwise, the Holy Spirit that is in us, can do a deep work in our lives, after all, many must have pray for him. He does not have a relationship with God, he doesn't know wh0 God is. In his hardest time, he didn't know how to cry to God and wait upon him. He does not have the fear of God in him. This is the worst because the bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Where is it?
My friend turn to God and cried out to Him and the Lord showed a way out for her. She is doing fine. And I think I need to pray to God for salvation for him instead. Probably, I have been praying amist all this while but who on earth will think that he needs salvation. I believe no one, it is so hard for me to except this fact. Anyway, he thinks he is saved. When I finally except the fact, I cried so much to process my feeling for both of them. He is the almost christian type. He didn't know what he doesn't have all this 30 years.
Someone share this story in the women's breakthrough weekend. God gives you a beautiful car as your wishing gift. Half way while driving on the high way, he waves for you to stop. You are too glad to have met the Lord. You stop for him and come out of the car. You feel the great priviledge to invite Him to take a ride with you, anyway this is the gift from Him. You gently show the way to the passenger sit and open the car door for Him to board. However He never move and you wonder why. You persuade the Lord nicely and He only take two steps forward and stop moving. Again, you speak to Him, this time He follows you to the Driver seat and you wonder why. He must have make a mistake, you think. He moves in and sit on the Driver seat and you are shocked by His reactions. He tells you to take the passenger seat and He will take you around. In fact, this is truly a great honour.
Some of us may think, O Lord! No, I am not worthy for you to do this but this is exactly what the Lord wants you to do. Obey Him at every turn, just follow and He will tell you what to do because His way is always right and perfect.
Many times, We want to be the Lord of our own lives and we make a mess out of it. God wants to be the Lord of our lives. I realised that my friend's ex-husband simply wave back his hand and drive pass the Lord to go ahead to do what he thinks best. He probably says 'Thank you Lord for the gift you gave me, I know exactly what to do to glorify you. In fact, he is glorifying himself all this while.
If you are in the will of God, I don't think He will lead you out of His will. So far, I am experiencing God promises fulfill in my calling. He is faithful and He has never failed me in all these 5 years. I have grown amazingly, I am not the same person as before. My understanding has grown beyond what I can imagine. And God is ever before me and His presence is always there for me. I just know that He is with me in everything that He calls me to do.
Through this long conservation, I decided to let out the secret I hide for 4 yrs 8 mths. I believe it is time to let everything out to my friend. Anyway, I didn't intend to keep it the rest of my life, just didn't know when is the right time to let out. I am glad that I have unload myself on 14/4/08 and there isn't any point for me to keep this secret any longer. She was extremely shocked that I managed to get in touch with her ex-husband and had communicated on email. I met him up last year August to confirm a few things and had my closure.
I am waiting for her to come to Singapore this June to speak over stuffs with her but I think it is better to clear things up immediately since I am able to connect to her using skype now because it is not easy keeping stuff like this. We have come to a horrifying revelation that since the day he was a christian til now, he spends all his energy loving himself and he didn't even realise it.
Anything he plans and does is for himself. He gives me the impression that life is all about him during the conservation of 2 hr. During lunch, I actually felt like vomitting out my food at that
instant. He seems to live a Godless live all along. It was completely deceitful, he appearantly living a righteousness life. He appeared to be a person who loves God and His people but inwardly he is driving himself to hell.
He went through 6 years seminary, among the top students and had been a great leader in the eyes of men. Ever since he has fallen, I prayed very hard for him and my friend with tears. The past five years, I have pray alot for many people around me and go through many trying times. God has never failed me and answered all my prayers except this one. I prayed for him to repent and return to God, nothing happen. Nothing has taken place. If you hear him carefully, he actually spoke as if he is an unbeliever.
Sometimes I wonder, can one be so discourage to this extent that he said that our lives is in our own hands. He asked me a question," In the past, don't you struggle to be the top 10 percent to go heaven?" He expected me to be one of them because I was very active in church work when we were in younger days. "Don't tell me you are not one of them?" he remarked. I stared at him until my eyes ball going to come out. So, all this while he is thinking about being the top 10% in heaven. I wondered why he think like this, something is very wrong but I couldn't figure out.
Yesterday, after some sharing from my friend. I feel strongly that he is not born again in Christ. He has not received the salvation of God. Otherwise, the Holy Spirit that is in us, can do a deep work in our lives, after all, many must have pray for him. He does not have a relationship with God, he doesn't know wh0 God is. In his hardest time, he didn't know how to cry to God and wait upon him. He does not have the fear of God in him. This is the worst because the bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Where is it?
My friend turn to God and cried out to Him and the Lord showed a way out for her. She is doing fine. And I think I need to pray to God for salvation for him instead. Probably, I have been praying amist all this while but who on earth will think that he needs salvation. I believe no one, it is so hard for me to except this fact. Anyway, he thinks he is saved. When I finally except the fact, I cried so much to process my feeling for both of them. He is the almost christian type. He didn't know what he doesn't have all this 30 years.
Someone share this story in the women's breakthrough weekend. God gives you a beautiful car as your wishing gift. Half way while driving on the high way, he waves for you to stop. You are too glad to have met the Lord. You stop for him and come out of the car. You feel the great priviledge to invite Him to take a ride with you, anyway this is the gift from Him. You gently show the way to the passenger sit and open the car door for Him to board. However He never move and you wonder why. You persuade the Lord nicely and He only take two steps forward and stop moving. Again, you speak to Him, this time He follows you to the Driver seat and you wonder why. He must have make a mistake, you think. He moves in and sit on the Driver seat and you are shocked by His reactions. He tells you to take the passenger seat and He will take you around. In fact, this is truly a great honour.
Some of us may think, O Lord! No, I am not worthy for you to do this but this is exactly what the Lord wants you to do. Obey Him at every turn, just follow and He will tell you what to do because His way is always right and perfect.
Many times, We want to be the Lord of our own lives and we make a mess out of it. God wants to be the Lord of our lives. I realised that my friend's ex-husband simply wave back his hand and drive pass the Lord to go ahead to do what he thinks best. He probably says 'Thank you Lord for the gift you gave me, I know exactly what to do to glorify you. In fact, he is glorifying himself all this while.
If you are in the will of God, I don't think He will lead you out of His will. So far, I am experiencing God promises fulfill in my calling. He is faithful and He has never failed me in all these 5 years. I have grown amazingly, I am not the same person as before. My understanding has grown beyond what I can imagine. And God is ever before me and His presence is always there for me. I just know that He is with me in everything that He calls me to do.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Blessings
Too many amazing thing take place, I couldn't cope writing them. I simply just thankful for what the Lord is doing in my life.
I enjoyed everyday as if my last. I attended the 2nd women breakthrough weekend. This time I accompany someone but I also received many blessings from the Lord. The many testimonies of the ladies touch my heart. And there was one salvation. The Lord also revealling to me to visit Cambodia. Since the women btw, Cambodia is constantly mention by friends that I met for the past 9 days. Well, will see what the Lord shows next.
I am glad that my room mate was touched by the Lord to live a life surrender to Him. I will pray that she will keep her focus on the Lord and grow in His grace.
Women btw was divided into 28 groups. Surprisingly, Rach's classmate's mum a Philipina and also Persis's friend whom I met only once was in my group. I managed to convince her to let her daughter learned Chinese together with Rach.
And today I managed to speak and prepare her before I begin lesson with her. She has forgotten almost all her Chinese words. Will teach using Chinese songs and interesting ways so she get back her confident.
Yesterday(Sunday) night, I was so glad to help two persons catch up alittle for this special course. Hope the four of them grow in the grace of God, in the knowledge of understanding healthy relationships.
In this life, I wouldn't want to wish more but I do desire to see young people growing in the walk with God. That they lead a life honouring the Father.
On Saturday, I joined the 'How to avoid marrying a jerk?' as a observer for the next 4 more wks.
I enjoyed hearing the young people share and their desire to know and learn more. I saw the heart of the organisers, they are so commited in the ministry. I believe the love for the Lord's people comes from the Lord Himself. I love to work with them. Hope I am equiped in the future to take up this as my ministry.
I enjoyed everyday as if my last. I attended the 2nd women breakthrough weekend. This time I accompany someone but I also received many blessings from the Lord. The many testimonies of the ladies touch my heart. And there was one salvation. The Lord also revealling to me to visit Cambodia. Since the women btw, Cambodia is constantly mention by friends that I met for the past 9 days. Well, will see what the Lord shows next.
I am glad that my room mate was touched by the Lord to live a life surrender to Him. I will pray that she will keep her focus on the Lord and grow in His grace.
Women btw was divided into 28 groups. Surprisingly, Rach's classmate's mum a Philipina and also Persis's friend whom I met only once was in my group. I managed to convince her to let her daughter learned Chinese together with Rach.
And today I managed to speak and prepare her before I begin lesson with her. She has forgotten almost all her Chinese words. Will teach using Chinese songs and interesting ways so she get back her confident.
Yesterday(Sunday) night, I was so glad to help two persons catch up alittle for this special course. Hope the four of them grow in the grace of God, in the knowledge of understanding healthy relationships.
In this life, I wouldn't want to wish more but I do desire to see young people growing in the walk with God. That they lead a life honouring the Father.
On Saturday, I joined the 'How to avoid marrying a jerk?' as a observer for the next 4 more wks.
I enjoyed hearing the young people share and their desire to know and learn more. I saw the heart of the organisers, they are so commited in the ministry. I believe the love for the Lord's people comes from the Lord Himself. I love to work with them. Hope I am equiped in the future to take up this as my ministry.
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